I need a distraction when I eat a meal. So, I end up flicking through channels. This morning, I watched a young girl on Oprah, come face to face with her father, who had repeatedly molested her in the past. I stayed on the show 'cos Bishop T.D. Jakes was in the audience - I respect this man.
The stage - on one side, the remorseful father. On the other, the girl, with her mother and aunts. The father confessed his mistake and said sorry publicly. He just got out of rehab, or prison, or some deal, I missed most of the show. The girl says, I forgive you, what I would really like, if its ok with you, is to give you a hug. They then proceed to hug. The mother, on the other hand dismissed the man's remorse. She said, I don't believe he has changed and I cannot forgive him.
The young girl then says, I learnt that you have to forgive to live. If you cannot forgive, you cannot live the life you should be living. Turns out, the mother cannot trust anyone anymore, she won't share her bed with anyone and is generally miserable and irritable.
In Aikido they say, Be the water, not the rock. When water hits an obstacle, it flows around it. When a rock hits a barrier, it either breaks or stops, but never gets past. Only by discovering how life actually works can you figure a way to adapt. You sometimes need to change in order to reach your goals. Sometimes, the obstacle is your hard heart and one-dimensional reasoning.
This is similar to a discussion I had with a few friends over coffee last week. We were talking about forgiveness - something central to the Christian faith and yet, Christians themselves can be the most unforgiving people. There are several steps to take before you can (apparently) forgive a person. Step one requires the other person to realise they made a mistake and apologise. What I'm about to propose is something I fail to achieve too:
Its easier to forgive someone when they say sorry. What if they don't apologise? Does that mean we shouldn't forgive them? I say we still do, because we stand to benefit from it. Its one of the hardest things to do, but if you don't, as the girl said, you won't live the life you should be living.
